Also see: Videos on Men’s Issues – Rape/Sexual Assault –
Writings are at the Bottom of this Page
Welcome to After Silence, an online support group, message board, and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors. You are not alone, you are not broken, and you can heal.
Bienvenidos a After Silence, organización no lucrativa, donde los sobrevivientes de violación, asalto sexual o abuso sexual, pueden dejar sus mensajes y platicar. No estás solo, no estás roto y puedes sanar.
The ATSA is an international, multi-disciplinary organization dedicated to preventing sexual abuse. Through research, education, and shared learning ATSA promotes evidence based practice, public policy and community strategies that lead to the effective assessment, treatment and management of individuals who have sexually abused or are at risk to abuse.
Healing and justice for survivors of sexual violence
This site arose because in April of 2006 my daughter was raped in the McNutt dormitory at Indiana University. I have learned much about Campus Rape since the horrible call I received on April 17, 2006. The U.S. Department of Justice reports that 20-25% of college women will be raped during their college careers. This is a statistic I did not learn about until my daughter’s life was changed forever. The penalties that Universities impose on student’s who commit rape or sexual assault are equally shocking.
Injury Prevention & Control: Violence Prevention – Sexual Violence
(Blog) As a survivor in South Africa of both sexual child abuse and rape, my path to recovery began ten years ago and continues even to this day. I have been fortunate that I have had access to therapy, the support of my wife and children, as well as the brotherhood of fellow survivors and healers when I attended two workshops in Scarborough, UK.
The Consensual Project partners with schools and universities to bring students a fresh understanding of consent. The innovative curriculum, workshops, and website empower young people to incorporate consent into their daily lives. The Consensual Project is committed to helping students connect through consent.
This course, originally broadcast Feb. 22, 2007, examines the various issues you are up against when covering sexual assault. It will help you raise your awareness in interviewing victims, know the rights of the accused and understand public reports and surveys.
The Date Safe Project, Inc. provides parents, educators, educational institutions, students, military installations, community organizations, state agencies, and federal government resources, educational materials, and programming addressing consent, healthy intimacy, sexual education, sexual assault awareness, bystander intervention, and support for sexual assault survivors.
The Mission of End Rape on Campus (EROC) is to provide free, direct support to campus activists who are filing Federal Title IX and/or Clery complaints in order to hold colleges and universities accountable for their handling of sexual misconduct.
FORCE: Upsetting Rape Culture is a creative activist collaboration to upset the culture of rape and promote a culture of consent. We believe that a more difficult and honest conversation needs to happen in America to face the realities of sexual violence, and we envision a world where sex is empowering and pleasurable rather than coercive and violent.
FTB~FTM was born out of my need to express some of the pain and anxiety of walking a difficult journey with my son. A journey through his disclosure of sexual abuse and the fallout that resulted: eating disorders and self mutilation.
A Guide For Friends, Family, And Partners How To Help The Survivor And How To Help Yourself
The Foundation to Abolish Child Sex Abuse (FACSA) is a non-profit organization working to: help enact laws that protect children from sex abuse; bring perpetrators of child sex abuse to justice; and hold accountable societal structures that hide perpetrators and fail to protect children from further harm.
Greeks Against Sexual Assault works towards increasing awareness, educating, and eliminating sexual assault and dating violence from the Greek community through peer education and activism amongst sororities and fraternities nationwide.
Developing a bond in male survivors of sexual abuse/violence and male allies to enable more men to speak out and not be afraid or ashamed of what others, especially men, think. Men as allies for other men is considered – Masculine!
(83 pages – from Australia) This research relied on 33 women victim/survivors who generously shared their expert knowledge and experiences.
Just Detention Internal (JDI) is a human rights organization that seeks to end sexual abuse in all forms of detention.
A woman’s blog writing about her rape and life after it (written 23 years later).
Male Abuse Survivor Support (British)
Male survivors of childhood sexual abuse and male rape have until recently been the unseen victims of sex crimes; often forgotten by the support services and legal system. We have a male sexual abuse survivor only section in our forums and male only chat rooms as well as mixed gender sections.
We are committed to preventing, healing and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through treatment, research, education, advocacy and activism.
A West Yorkshire (British) information Hub for Survivors of sexual violence and abuse (note: contains some good information and resources for non-Brits also)
Men Can Stop Rape mobilizes male youth to prevent men’s violence against women. We build young men’s capacity to challenge harmful aspects of traditional masculinity, to value alternative visions of male strength, and to embrace their vital role as allies with women and girls in fostering healthy relationships and gender equity.
Men ending rape is committed to ending rape by encouraging men to play a significant role in ending the perpetuation of a campus rape culture. Keith E. Edwards offers campus speaking, help in developing student organizations, and other consulting services on rape prevention and sexual assault programs on college campuses.
MenThriving.org is a peer-support resource offered to men who survived sexual abuse in their childhood or adulthood.
We were once victims, we are all survivors, and we all aspire to thrive in this lifetime.
We serve as the comprehensive resource center on sexual violence and its prevention.
The Not At Fault Project was created in response to the cruel social stigma that blankets those who have suffered from any form of sexual abuse. Whether it be physical, verbal or psychological, all of these forms of abuse are life altering and deserve to be addressed in a supportive, hopeful manner.
YCteen publishes true stories by teens, giving readers insight into the issues that matter most in young people’s lives. (19 Rape/45 Sexual Assault – may overlap)
(2 pages) From “The Legal Bias Against Rape Victims (The Rape of Mr. Smith).” Connie K. Borkenhagen, American Bar Association Journal. April, 1975
The National Organization of Sisters of Color Ending Sexual Assault (SCESA) is a Women of Color-led nonprofit dedicated to working with our communities to create a just society in which Women of Color are able to live healthy lives free of violence.
The National Center for Victims of Crime is the nation’s leading resource and advocacy organization for crime victims and those who serve them.
The National Sexual Violence Resource Center serves as the nation’s principle information and resource center regarding all aspects of sexual violence. (Note: also see writings below)
Nomi Network is a non-profit organization bridging the private, public and non-profit sectors through enterprise and education to end human trafficking.
One in Four, Inc. previously NO MORE is a 501 (c) 3 non-profit organization dedicated to prevent rape by the thoughtful application of theory and research to rape prevention programming
One Student provides students and their allies with programs, resources and opportunities to address sexual violence. One Student is a non-profit organization that provides cutting edge programs, resources and opportunities that engage students to create social change to reduce sexual violence.
Pandora’s Project’s mission is to provide information, facilitate peer support and offer assistance to male and female survivors of sexual violence and their friends and family.
PAVE’s work is based in education and action. We work to stop sexual violence before it starts by challenging cultural norms that encourage violence or ignore the spectrum of sexual abuse. Additionally, PAVE strives to empower victims and survivors by creating an awareness and response to any injustices done to them. Through being both prevention and awareness focused, PAVE is working to end sexual violence on all fronts.
The Red Flag Campaign is a public awareness campaign designed to address dating violence and promote the prevention of dating violence on college campuses. The campaign was created using a “bystander intervention” strategy, encouraging friends and other campus community members to “say something” when they see warning signs (“red flags”) for dating violence in a friend’s relationship.
Following the 2005 Gulf Coast Hurricanes in 2005, people experienced sexual violence during the evacuation process, assault survivors were driven from their homes under traumatic conditions, and sexual assault crisis centers were shut down or damaged. The Relief Fund for Sexual Assault Victims has been established to collect donations that will aid affected sexual assault victims and advocacy programs.
The Safer Society Foundation is dedicated to ending sexual abuse so that we all can enjoy safer communities, healthier families and happier lives. Our work focuses on providing information and resources to help create safer communities through prevention and effective public policy, to provide victims with healing and restitution, and to provide offenders with the tools to be accountable for their actions and to work towards rehabilitation.
SAFER empowers students to hold their universities accountable for having strong campus sexual assault policies and programming.
Patients who come to the Emergency Department after sexual assault present several challenges to the physician.
Prevalence, Possible Lasting Effects & Resources
(SOAR®) runs national awareness, education and prevention programs to empower survivors of sexual violence and enhance the public’s understanding and acceptance of rape victims.
Tabu (Project: Rape: How Will You Talk About It?)
Tabu gives a voice to social justice by enlisting the talents of young people. Projects across all mediums address neglected issues deconstructing what society considers taboo.
Rachel Cohen reports on the angry response to a vile example of “comedy” (Daniel Tosh at the Laugh Factory comedy club in Los Angeles making jokes about rape)
A British campaign which contains various information.
A Chilling Case at a Friendly School – Sexual Assault at Texas A&M – by Jennifer Peoples and Kristen Lombardi, February 26, 2010, Center for Public Integrity
The Voices and Faces Project is a non-profit national survivor network created to give voice and face to rape survivors, providing a sense of solidarity and possibility to those who have lived through sexual violence.
Co-creating a United Gender Movement, men will be a part of the solution to ending sexualized violence.
(By: Peter Smith, Time, October 30, 2012) As a married guy with a son and two teenaged daughters, I don’t consider myself any more or any less a “feminist” than anyone else. But in my experience, outside of Lysistrata, widespread female outrage on behalf of other women rarely accomplishes much of anything. Which is where men come in….
(Wo)Men Speak Out is a non-profit organization dedicated to eradicating rape, sexual assault and gender violence. We seek to educate both men and women, cultivating healthy relationships and gender equity.
(Blog:) I am a MALE survivor of childhood sexual abuse and adult rape. This is my place to offload, share and let go. Have a seat, kick off your shoes and join me.
W R I T I N G S
(by: Angie Epifano, The Amherst Student, October 17, 2012) On May 25, 2011, I was raped by an acquaintance in Crossett Dormitory on Amherst College campus. Some nights I can still hear the sounds of his roommates on the other side of the door, unknowingly talking and joking as I was held down; it is far from a pleasant wakeup call.
(by: Allie Grasgreen, Inside Higher Ed, June 5, 2013) “I do not want to teach our students to consent, I want to teach our students to hold out for that really mutually desired moment,” Melanie Boyd, said. Boyd shared several stories of students who grudgingly accepted sexual advances because it was “easier than not” or they “wanted to be a good girlfriend” or “didn’t want to be the ones who refused” — but still considered the sex consensual.
So the circus that is the criminal proceedings against Kobe Bryant has come to an end. The thing I’m interested in today is the statement Bryant released following his case’s dismissal. Does anyone else see a problem here?
This paper focuses on men’s anti-rape organizing from the perspective of one member of a men’s pro-feminist anti-rape group. (Note: this was written by this website’s founder in 1987)
A facilitator’s guide for teen dating violence prevention
By: Michael Flood, 7 pages, This article asks: why should we engage men and boys in preventing violence against women, what strategies are under way and do they work? Engaging men in challenging rape-supportive norms and behaviours is hard work. This article concludes by discussing the barriers to, and supports for, men’s bystander interventions.
(by: Tara Culp-Ressler, ThinkProgress, August 6, 2013) Across the country, college activists are joining forces to hold their administrations more accountable for insufficient sexual assault policies. “Know Your IX,” a campaign to help educate college students about the rights afforded to them under federal gender equity laws, launched a new website to serve as a hub for sexual assault prevention activists.
Michael Flood reviews what works and doesn’t work in violence prevention education with men, focusing on educational strategies which are face-to-face. (11 pages)
(by: Olive A. Cole [Blog], October 8, 2013) Yesterday I read an article in which Chris Brown discussed the age at which he lost his virginity. He was 8, he says, and the girl was 14 or 15. He mentions that in “the country” he and his cousins watched a lot of porn, so by age 8 he was “hot to trot.”
(by: Richard Perez-Pena, New York Times, March 19, 2013) In the past year, campaigns against sexual assault on college campuses have produced an informal national network of activists who, while sometimes turning for advice to established advocacy groups, have learned largely from one another. They see the beginnings of what they hope is a snowball effect, with each high-profile complaint, each assault survivor going public, prompting more people on more campuses to follow suit.
(by: Andy Thomason and Caitlin McCabe, The Daily Tarheel, January 13, 2013) In 2011, the University Counsel’s office pressured Melinda Manning, then UNC’s assistant dean of students, to underreport cases of sexual assault, according to a complaint against UNC filed to the U.S. Department of Education by Manning and four others.
Center for Public Integrity staff writer Kristen Lombardi explains how she pierced the shroud of secrecy surrounding rape on college campuses.
(by: Mark A. Stevens, Ph.D.) NCAA Gender Issues and Equity Forum – April 28, 2009 – 15 pages – presentation
(by: Jim Hines) Silly me, trying to educate people about the ingrained sexual violence of our society when the whole thing could be resolved with a few quick kicks to the balls. Doesn’t it make more sense to teach women to protect themselves? Wouldn’t a few good self-defense classes go a lot farther than some preachy column about rape culture?
(by:Avery Stone, Huff Post College, October 22, 2012) On Thursday night this past week, 300 Amherst College students, faculty and other members of the community congregated at the top of the campus’ iconic Memorial Hill — the “selling point” spot for prospective student tours, with an expansive view of pristine foliage and open sky — in complete silence.
(by: hetpat blog, December 11, 2012) Like many a fresh-faced psychology student, I drifted into my first modules on forensic psychology and criminology wanting an answer to the question: why do people commit crimes? The first lesson I learned has stuck with me ever since. In order to understand why people commit crimes, we first need to try to understand why most people don’t.
(by: Jill Filipovic, Salon, September 16, 2013) The overarching problem with women and alcohol, though, doesn’t seem to be an epidemic of female alcoholism. It’s a sexist culture that wrings its collective hands over female “bad behavior” and uses the specter of sexual assault to keep women fearful, while simultaneously applauding recklessness and aggression in men.
(by: Mary Stathopoulos, Australian Centre for Sexual Assault, 20 pages) Prevention of sexual assault has traditionally been a space occupied by women – both as educators and as the audience for messages on how to keep safe from the threat of sexual violence. More recently, the principles informing prevention of sexual assault have shifted to acknowledge the importance of men as facilitators/educators and as participants in sexual assault prevention programs.
(by: Austin C McCoy, Nursing Clio Blog, March 22, 2013) The Steubenville rape case and CNN’s disturbing response to the conviction of the two football players illustrate the pervasiveness of rape culture in American society.
(by: O.M. Grey, Caught in the Cogs Blog, July 25, 2012) Our culture protects rapists…but not for long thanks to women like Savannah, Chloe, and Helen. Too many people think of “date rape” as somehow not as traumatic as stranger rape. It is. Perhaps more so because you have the betrayal of a loved one on top of the assault.
(by: Laura Gottesdiener, Alternet, February 13, 2013) In some of the most disturbing and sickening news of the day, New York state police have decided that a 15-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted by three boys was in fact not sexually assaulted because both she and the boys are mentally handicapped.
(by: Travis Myers, Women’s Post, April 24, 2013 – originally published April 8, 2013 ) Over the weekend a young man came forward to the police to file a report of a sexual assault that occurred early on March 31. The response from some cretins on social media has been jaw-droppingly ignorant and abusive towards the victim.
To learn more about the impact of these issues on survivors of sexual assault in Indian country and to begin to address these problems, OVW convened a focus group of stakeholders in Public Law 280 jurisdictions to discuss problems and share ideas for collaborative solutions.
(by: Lindsey O’Briend, Ms Blog, March 3, 2014) There have been a number of headlines lately about sexual assaults filed against fraternity members. So why are the sexual assault rates in fraternities so high?
(by: Yolo Akili) At a recent presentation, I asked all of the gay male students in the room to raise their hand if in the past week they touched a woman’s body without her consent (and later if they had similarly offered a woman unsolicited advice about how to “improve” her body or her fashion) . After a moment of hesitation, all of the hands of the gay men in the room went up for both questions.
(by: Katie McDonough, Salon, October 7, 2013) A member of Phi Kappa Tau pens a guide full of dangerous and sexually predatory advice to his fellow “bros. The “How to Lure Rapebait” email sent around by a member of the Phi Kappa Tau fraternity at Georgia Tech is made all the more disgusting by the fact that this kind of sexist, violent and dangerous thinking about women, sex and consent is so common.
In the wake of Todd Akin’s comments about “legitimate rape,” there have been many response posts from women whose very lives contradict Akin’s shady science. None have been quite as moving and enlightening as Shauna Prewitt’s, which was first published on xoJane under the headline, “An Open Letter to Rep. Akin From a Woman Who Got Pregnant From Rape.”
(by: No Sleep ‘Til Brooklands Blog, December 11, 2012) Perhaps the second most damning indictment of men as a group is the fact that ‘The Good Men Project’ is a thing. Men are genuinely so terrible that we have to have niche movements of dudes clubbing together to scratch their heads and try to figure out how not to openly be arseholes all of the time. The first is that said Project still manages to go ahead and publish an article by a rapist, about how he’s not quite bothered enough about rape to stop drunkenly flailing his dick around.
(by: Richard Jeffrey Newman, Alas a Blog, December 21, 2012) There is, however, one particularly insidious aspect of Royse’s argument that I have not seen anyone else address, the way she defines rape more as a matter of bad manners and poor etiquette than as the sexual subjugation of one human being, almost always a woman, by another, almost always a man. Egregious as the rape apology is in how Royse analyses the specific situation that motivated her to write, it’s important not to let this other aspect of her argument pass.
(by: Thomas MacAulay Millar – Yes Means Yes [Blog] – December 12, 2012) Good Men Project first published Alyssa Royse’s piece about how her friend who raped a sleeping woman (both she and, in her telling, he call it rape) but she wants to discuss how he was confused by the mixed signals the woman allegedly sent (prior to sleeping). Then, Good Men Project published another piece by an anonymous rapist (he admits he is) who gets wasted and fucks people who are too wasted to consent, and he says he won’t stop because it’s just fun to get wasted and not give a shit what happens to other people.
(by: Amanda Marcotte, Pandagon Blog, March 11, 2013) Zerlina Maxwell has the right’s number on this whole push to sell guns by offering them as effective rape prevention: It’s a form of rape apology and denialism. As I noted before, it’s telling that the organization spearheading the “guns prevent rape” campaign is IWF, an organization that is devoted to rape apology and denialism, including minimizing the number of acquaintance rapes, exaggerating the existence of false accusations,* crying bloody murder every time feminists organize anti-rape initiatives like campus productions of “The Vagina Monologues”, and opposing anti-rape legislation like the Violence Against Women Act.
(by: Maaanvi Singh, 89.3-KPCC-NPR, March 3, 2014) Young women are often the targets of aggression when they’re out in bars, but the problem isn’t that guys are too drunk to know better. Instead, men are preying on women who have had too much to drink.
(by: Mary Elizabeth Williams, Salon, April 11, 2013) One California high school addressed the topic of rape culture head-on, and we should all learn from them. In a bold and powerful series in the April 9 issue of Verde magazine, the students of Palo Alto High have made a dialogue for and by teenagers about the state of rape culture and contemporary adolescence – and they’ve given a lesson to parents and educators alike. It’s a fascinating work, and a model for exactly what far more high schools and colleges across the country should be doing right now.
(by: Dave Zirin, The Nation, October 25, 2013) I am amazed by the composure of the now 16-year-old Daisy Coleman, choosing to go public, standing up for herself and writing essays online sharing. Yet I am the most stunned that here we are, six months after a similar case in Steubenville, Ohio, and still not talking openly about the connective tissue between jock culture and rape culture.
(by: Sherri Kuhn, She Knows Parenting, April 4, 2013) It’s not just moms of girls who need to worry about date rape. Boys need to be prepared to be smart, safe and know what the consequences of sexual assault may be. We spoke with Mike Domitrz, founder of The Date Safe Project, who shares his tips for talking to your son about this difficult yet highly important issue.
(by: Amanda Marcotte, Pandagon Blog, February 6, 2013) I’ve come to conclude that they already know how to act and simply don’t want to, because they get a kick out of treating women like garbage. If they really, truly struggled with consent, everyday life would be impossible for them to manage. The long, long list of ways they’d fuck up is truly staggering.
by: Valeria Delgado, Miami University is getting national press coverage after officials discovered a flier titled “Top Ten Ways to Get Away with Rape” in a men’s bathroom. Joking about rape is discussed in detail in this USA Today Collegiate Correspondent’s writing.
(by: Sohaila Abdulali, Safe World Community, first published 1983, reproduced from Kracktivist) I was gang raped three years ago, when I was 17 years old in Manushi. Ever since that day three years ago, I have been intensely aware of the misconceptions people have about rape, about those who rape and those who survive rape. I have also been aware of the stigma that attaches to survivors.
(by: Janet Allon, Alternet, February 13, 2013) On One Billion Rising, a day to stop rape and violence against women, Sabrina Rubin Erdely discusses her Rolling Stone report on a tragic tale of sexual assault in the military.
(from Ozy Frantz’s blog, December 21, 2012) At a certain point of intoxication, people become too intoxicated to meaningfully consent to sexual interaction, and then having sex with them is rape. There’s a fundamental disconnect here between the broad consensus of anti-rape-culture people, which is “sex with people too intoxicated to consent is rape,” and what a substantial contingent of people is hearing, which is “tipsy sex is rape.” I have no idea why.
(by: Eleanor Bader, AlterNet Blog, March 5, 2013)
Jennifer Baumgardner’s latest project, a 60-minute documentary film called It Was Rape, opens with a warning: If the movie serves as an emotional trigger, “please take care of yourself, even if it means leaving the theater.” According to a 2011 report issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in six US women and one in seven US men have been raped at least once. These numbers make the film’s admonition especially poignant since it is likely that audiences everywhere will include people for whom rape is not a theoretical issue, but a lived reality.
(by: Anonymous, Thought Catalog, October 24, 2013) Ten years ago, I blacked out and was raped by a woman who I proceeded to date for the next year and a half of my life.
(by: Jeremy Earp, Media Education Foundation Blog, March 20, 2013) This past Sunday in Steubenville, Ohio, high school football stars Trent Mays and Ma’lik Richmond were convicted of raping an intoxicated and barely conscious 16-year-old girl. Author and cultural critic Jackson Katz talked about the implications of the case in this wide-ranging two-part interview with Media Education Foundation (MEF) Production Director Jeremy Earp.
(AskMoxie.org Blog) Some really horrible things happened to someone who could be one of your friends, and it was done by some people who could be your friends. You’re 11 and almost-8 now, so the incident that made me write this letter isn’t something you’ve heard about, but this stuff keeps happening, unfortunately. So I need to talk to you about it.
(by: Thomas MacAulay Millar – Yes Means Yes [Blog] -November 12, 2009)A huge proportion of the women I know enough to talk with about it have survived an attempted or completed rape. None of them was raped by a stranger who attacked them from behind a bush, hid in the back of her car or any of the other scenarios that fit the social script of stranger rape. But who commits the vast majority of rapes, the nonstranger rapes?
(by: James Estrin, New York Times LENS, September 3, 2013) re: Mary F Calvert: “Over 26,000 rapes and sexual assaults took place in the military last year, and most of the woman that actually reported it were basically kicked out of the military,” she said. “When I was doing this story on rape as a tool of war in Congo, I remember being completely horrified — but I was also shocked at the rate of sexual assault in our own military.”
(by: Sezin Koehler, Sociological Images, September 17, 2013) Trigger warning: Graphic descriptions of sexual assault. Robin Thicke’s summer hit Blurred Lines addresses what
he considers to be sounds like a grey area between consensual sex and assault. Ultimately, Robin Thicke’s rape anthem is about male desire and male dominance over a woman’s personal sexual agency.
NPR Interview by: Joseph Shapiro – interviewing David Lisak, March 4, 2010
(by: Ami Angelwing’s Super Cute Rants of Dooom XD Blog, December 8, 2012) Just because somebody says “I AM NOT SAYING THAT” doesn’t mean they aren’t. I could say “I’m not saying that Jewish people are horrible” and then write about how the Jewish conspiracy exists and controls the world. I think the latter would outweigh my disclaimer.
(by: O.M. Grey, Caught in the Cogs Blog, December 15, 2012) There are several great posts linked from Boycott the Good Men Project, so please read it and educate yourselves. And, yes, I will be doing the same. Anyone who is a rapist, rape apologist, or continues to be friends with either does not have a place in my life. Period.
(by: Jim Hines) It’s the question that comes up at almost every rape awareness presentation I’ve ever done. Almost always a man asks – though I’ve had women ask as well – “What about when a girl lies about rape to get back at a man?”
The second phase of the NSVRC’s Prevention Assessment project focused on interviews with innovative prevention programs and a diffusion survey to document how innovations have spread throughout the sexual violence prevention field. The emphasis of this assessment was on how programs are thinking about primary prevention and the processes that allowed innovation to develop. (NSVRC general website is listed in the main section above)
(by: hetpat blog, December 5, 2012) He might not have been wrong to think her behaviour was an invitation to have sex. Even if it was an invitation to have sex, it was not an open-ended invitation to have sex at any time with no comebacks.
(by: O.M. Grey, Caught in the Cogs Blog, August 12, 2012) All I’ve ever wanted is to be acknowledged, to be seen, for him to admit he treated me abusively and deeply, deeply hurt me, and that he was sorry. For him to show a shred of compassion and humanity to me. I believe he didn’t plan to rape me. I’ve said so before. Something clicked in him and he didn’t stop.
National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) – 112 page report
And now, after far too many years of horrifying revelations, lawsuits and clearly documented cases of coverups of sexual abuse within the American Catholic Church, Philadelphia’s Monsignor William J. Lynn — who has the distinction of being the first American Catholic official convicted of covering up the sexual abuse perpetuated by priests under his supervision — has been sentenced
(Sisters of Resistance, April 3, 2013) Yesterday, hip-hop cultural critic Dream Hampton publicly challenged Talib Kweli, her friend and an MC with a reputation for a politics of resistance, via Twitter, saying that she was disappointed with what he had to say about the Rick Ross rape raps issue in a guest appearance in this HuffPo interview. She said although Kweli denounced the lyrics where Ross talks about drugging and raping a woman, and challenged Ross’ half-ass “apology”, his criticism was weak and that he could have – and should have – come stronger.
(by: Jim Hines) I’m posting these articles and links in the hope that they’ll make some small difference. (note: individual writings are listed separately in this and others sections)
(by: Rebecca Solnit, AlJazeera, February 10, 2013) There is a pattern of violence against women that’s broad and deep and horrific and incessantly overlooked. Occasionally, a case involving a celebrity or lurid details in a particular case get a lot of attention in the media, but such cases are treated as anomalies, while the abundance of incidental news items about violence against women in this country, in other countries, on every continent, including Antarctica, constitute a kind of background wallpaper for the news.
(by: Jim C. Hines) Earlier this week, [link removed at he0r request] shared a letter to her rapist in order to warn others in fandom about this individual. A number of people have responded to express their support. To say “I’ve got your back,” and that those who would commit rape are not welcome in this community. I’m bracing myself for the backlash.
(by: Irin Carmon, Salon, January 10, 2013) They are a loop of retraumatization, these images replaying sexual violence and the culture around it, but they are something else, too: evidence. They are proof not just for a courtroom that formally recognizes the existence of rape and sexual assault, but for a culture prone to denying it or explaining it away.
Rape Joke: A Poem by Patricia Lockwood (TRIGGER WARNING)
A poem about a rapist and the woman he raped
(by: Will Storr, The Safe World Community from The Observer) Huge numbers of men are also victims. In this harrowing report, Will Storr travels to Uganda to meet traumatised survivors, and reveals how male rape is endemic in many of the world’s conflicts.
(by: O.M. Grey, Caught in the Cogs Blog, August 18, 2012) I’ve spoken with nearly a dozen sexual assault professionals in the past two months and have done countless hours of research on sexual assault in our culture, the “rape culture,” and read too many examples of sexual assault/rape. In every. single. instance, the survivor is not believed.
(by: Jim Hines) Can somebody please explain to me why one out of seven students at Holden Hall said they would coerce someone into having sex if they knew they could get away with it? The State News published an informal survey from Holden at the end of October, and of the 145 students who responded, 20 apparently believe that it’s OK to “dominate, compel, force, or threaten” another person into having sex as long as there are no repercussions to them, of course.
(by: O.M. Grey, Caught in the Cogs Blog, August 7, 2012)
But the safety for all of us was short-lived. The last thing a survivor wants is to have her rapist show up. But, of course, that’s what happened. Again. And, just as all my research over the past month showed is par for the rape culture, the community openly supported him. He protested his innocence and called out for support, and he got it.
(by: Jim Hines) “Why didn’t she go to the police?” It’s one of the most commonly asked questions about sexual assault, and on the surface, it makes sense.
One of the largest studies of sexual killers ever undertaken in Canada has turned up some surprising findings about how socially normal they may actually appear. Contrary to previous research, B.C. criminologist Eric Beauregard says his study’s large sample size shows sexually motivated killers aren’t generally loners.
(by: Jim Hines) According to a 2000 study by the U.S. Department of Justice titled “The Sexual Victi
On this page you can read brief stories written by men who were sexually abused. The authors of these stories share with you how they came out of isolation and silence to find help and healing.
A joint report from BJS and the National Institute of Justices (NIJ) that explores the prevalence and nature of sexual assault occurring at colleges throughout the nation. (January 26, 2001)
(91 pages) – U.S. Department of Justice, BJS (Bureau of Justice Statistics) Report: The survey was administered to 81,566 inmates ages 18 or older, including 32,029 inmates in state and federal prisons, 48,066 in jails, 957 in ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) facilities, 399 in military facilities, and 115 in Indian country jails.
(by: (NSVRC) National Sexual Violence Resource Center, July, 2013) This guide focuses on the impact of sexual violence in the military. It includes resources for advocates who, through relationships and collaborations with the military, can offer support in responding to the needs of survivors and preventing sexual violence.
(by: (NSVRC) National Sexual Violence Resource Center, July, 2013) These talking points are taken from the NSVRC publication “Sexual Violence in the Military: A Guide for Civilian Advocates.” This resource highlights what is happening in the military, the aftermath of sexual violence, and prevention developments.
(by: Jim C. Hines) I’ve been the significant other far too often. For myself, there’s a lot of anger and pain, as well as an overwhelming sense of helplessness. Nothing I do can change or fix what happened, or make the pain go away for the other person.
(by: Jim C. Hines) What’s wrong with us that we see a sleeping girl and feel we have the right to gather the fruits of her love rape her? Where does that sense of entitlement come from?
(by: Callie Beusman, Jezebel) While it’s become quite evident that a lot of very smart humans have a lot of interesting points to make about the way we frame the relationship between binge drinking and campus rape, what’s less evident is a viable solution. As Tara Culp-Ressler says at ThinkProgress, “Alcohol is just one of many tools at rapists’ disposal — and if alcohol isn’t available, that won’t necessarily stop a rapist from assaulting people.”
(by: Jim Hines) One of the most important pieces in working with rape survivors is helping them regain a sense of power and control in their own lives. Giving survivors the power to look up their attacker and know where he or she is located is one way to help empower those survivors.
(by: Amanda Marcotte, Pandagon Blog, March 21, 2013) One of the remarkable things about the Steubenville, Ohio case is how it’s been a rapid lesson in how wrong so many rape myths really are. But what’s most interesting to me is that Steubenville has made it harder to deny that there is such a thing as rape culture.
(by: Irin Carmon, Salon Blog, March 21, 2013) For all the justified outrage at the Steubenville offenders, rehab can and does work. Their lives are not “over”. And it matters, because the main reason researchers argue that juveniles found guilty of sex crimes don’t belong on the sex offender list is the copious evidence that they’re susceptible to treatment — and are unlikely to reoffend. The answer, surprisingly enough, is that juvenile sex offenders often can and do get better.
(by: Richard Perez-Pena, NY Times, October 26, 2012) – This year has brought news of student athletes charged with sex crimes at Boston University and at Temple, along with countless other less publicized cases. But none has generated more soul searching, or scrutiny from beyond, than a woman’s wrenching account, published in a campus newspaper last week, of being raped in May 2011 by a fellow student at Amherst College and then being treated callously by college administrators.
(by: Frank Bruni, New York Times, The Opinion Pages, August 12, 2013) Steubenville. The Naval Academy. Vanderbilt University. The stories of young men sexually assaulting young women seem never to stop, despite all the education we’ve had and all the progress we’ve supposedly made, and there are times when I find myself darkly wondering if there’s some ineradicable predatory streak in the male subset of our species. Wrong, Chris Kilmartin told me. It’s not DNA we’re up against; it’s movies, manners and a set of mores, magnified in the worlds of the military and sports, that assign different roles and different worth to men and women.
(by: George Marx) This blog entry recounts the author’s A Men’s Project related experiences with the former “Theta Chi Gang Rape 1962″ blog and the silencing of its author.
(by: Jim C. Hines) The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off. How pathetic is it that, in our culture, the only thing you have to do to be a good guy is say, “Hey, one of these days I’ll write something about rape.”
(by: Rebecca Watson, Skepchick Blog, December 18, 2012) And like me, many of you have had sex while drinking and/or while your partners have been drinking, and it’s not a big deal because you value communication and enthusiastic consent and participation. Here’s a thought: if you’re about to have sex with someone and you feel like they might have drunk too much to consent but you don’t have a breathalyzer handy, then why not err on the side of not being a rapist and not have sex with them?
(by: Rega Jha, BuzzFeed, September 18, 2013) Project Unbreakable is an online photography project that aims to “encourage the act of healing through art.” The only requirements are that submissions be nameless, and within quotation marks. Below are a few poignant examples.
(by: Spencer Althouse, BuzzFeed, September 24, 2013) From Grace Brown’s Project Unbreakable, an online platform that strives to “increase awareness of the issues surrounding sexual assault.” Trigger warning for sexual assault. We previously highlighted quotes from 27 female survivors. Since sexual assault plagues all genders, here are quotes from male survivors.
(by: David Lisak, Ph.D) 12 pages
(by: Hannah Groch-Begley, Media Matters, February 10, 2014) While it is true that reckless alcohol consumption can play a role in encouraging damaging behavior, and that male and female college students (particularly underage students) could probably benefit from learning to moderate their drinking for a variety of reasons, Taranto’s accusation that women who drink — and then are forced to have sex against their will — are not only equally at fault for their assault but are guilty of an equivalent crime takes victim blaming to a new and dangerous low.
(Red No. 3 Tumblr) It really is that simple. Every time I have ever had sex, I’ve asked this first. Doesn’t matter if we’d already been fooling around. Doesn’t matter if we’re both naked and in bed. Doesn’t matter if I’ve just been spanking my partner for 10 minutes at her request. Doesn’t matter if we’ve had sex once, twice, or a hundred times. I always ask. “Do you want to make love?” “Wanna have sex?” “Shall we fuck?”
(The Pervocracy Blog, December 14, 2012) There’s one big lie that rapists tell. Most of the other lies are just part of it. ”Consent is complicated and confusing and there are a lot of gray areas.”
(by: Ryan Broderick, Heben Nigatu and Jessica Testa, BuzzFeed, February 5, 2014) “Rape culture” is a culture in which sexual violence is considered the norm — in which people aren’t taught not to rape, but are taught not to be raped. The term was first used by feminists in the 1970s but has become popular in recent years as more survivors share their stories.
(by: Tara Culp-Ressler, ThinkProgress, September 10, 2013) United Nations researchers published a sweeping study on the roots of sexual violence, spanning six countries and two years. The survey, which they say represents the world’s largest scientific project into the subject so far, aimed to investigate the “under-researched” area of male-perpetrated rape. On average, about one in four men included in the study said they had raped someone at some point in their lives. One in ten had raped someone who wasn’t their romantic partner.
(by: Stephanie Hughes, Salon, January 26, 2013) If there’s confusion among the public (and politicians) about rape, baffling, conflicting state laws make it worse. Forced oral and anal contact both go under the term “criminal sexual act.” If the same crimes had occurred elsewhere, they might not legally be considered rape at all.
(by: Grace, Are Women Human? (blog), December 13, 2012) The Good Men Project’s recent posts are a particularly horrific and exploitative example of a narrative that centers the perspective of perpetrators, and their supposed needs and feelings, in the name of “humanizing” them. But there’s similar reasoning at work in other recent pieces on sexual violence, e.g., Cord Jefferson’s piece on pedophilia as a “sexual orientation,” and Jennifer Bleyer’s somewhat less disturbing Slate article on the same topic.
(by: Jim C. Hines) The woman filed a civil suit against the hotel, claiming her attacker “had been in the hotel and garage acting suspiciously days before the attack, as well as the afternoon of the attack, and the hotel failed to notice him, apprehend him or make him leave.” What really struck me was the approach the Stamford Marriott took in defending themselves.
(by: Jim C. Hines) I don’t see the need for me as a white man to lecture about the Right Way to write about rape. I’d rather just share my own thoughts, the things that piss me off and the things I try to accomplish in my own writing, and then invite people to participate in the conversation.
(by: Sukjong Hong, The Feminist Wire, August 19, 2013) In its fourth “Report of Complaints of Sexual Misconduct,” released via a reporting process mandated by the Department of Education as part of a Title IX complaint resolution, Yale University determined that over a period of six months, six students were guilty of “nonconsensual sex.” All six (Yale students found guilty) will graduate with Ivy League degrees after committing a crime, which if committed outside the bounds of campus, would lead to far more serious repercussions.
(by: Caperton, Feministe Blog, March 18, 2013) Writer and political analyst Zerlina Maxwell spoke on FOX with Sean Hannity to point out, rightly, that no amount of precaution and preparation and weaponry can protect women from rape as long as there are still rapists. It’s the obvious statements like that that, for some reason, seem to appear so revolutionary and controversial that they’re worthy of argument or even death threats.